I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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