My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
