Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
