I need to stop coming to work sober
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
