look no pants
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
