eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
