I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
