Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
