I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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