Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
