girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
