Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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