Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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