I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
