Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
