My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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