I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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