hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
