Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
