i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
