Tell her she can't have a vagina
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
