Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
