is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
