If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
NoShamevember. You game?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
