you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
not ubering you a puppy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
