WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
