***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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