i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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