"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
