Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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