Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
