I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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