I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
