chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
