i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.