i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...