I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?