Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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