I feel like I'm in dance class right now
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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