Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
