Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
