He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
