I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
