I wanna bring you to show and tell
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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