I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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