Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
