quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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