He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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