yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
