I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
