no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
