I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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