I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
