You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
