my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
