Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
