I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
