I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
