She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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