Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
