i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
