dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
