I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
