i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
