I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
