i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
why is half of my head shaved?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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