you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
