Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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