My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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