The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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