I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
