I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
