Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
