she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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