what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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