opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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