You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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