You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
