i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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