Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
