So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
