you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
