Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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