***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
