I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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