Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Randomize
