Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
