Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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